So, here's what happened in my own words.
Seder 1: Timeline
3:30 pm: We arrive at my parents house.
5 pm: Everyone else arrives at my parents house.
5:45 pm: I manage to get everyone sitting down at the table for the seder.
5:50 pm: My 4 year old joins her grandmother in the blessing over the candles. Everyone is very pleased - especially her father and I who are paying for that Jewish preschool.
5:51: Auntie's stomach hurts - and there is one less at the seder.
5:55 pm: Baby starts to indicate that it is time for some of that nice warm mommy's milk and bed.
6 pm: I start to beg my father to get on with this whole leaving Egypt thing.
6:01 pm: Both children hungry. Wasn't the whole point to move out of Egypt QUICKLY?
6:02 pm: I do the 4 questions.
6:13 pm: We start the festive meal
6:15 pm: Festive meal is over for me and begins for the baby. I nurse her in the bedroom and she falls asleep.
6:45 pm: I make my husband and older daughter stop eating and we all leave.
6:50 pm: We listen to a Passover CD in the car and pretend it is the second part of the seder.
Seder 2: Timeline
3:00 pm: We arrive at my inlaws
3:30 pm: We sit down for Seder. There is assigned seating. My husband is seated with his father and his brother at the opposite end of a 26 person table from me and his daughters. I get to sit between my girls.
3:50 pm: My 4 year old asks the 4 questions in Hebrew with her cousin. Cute.
4-5 pm: Seder and LOOONG conversation about how there was no stick margarine available for Passover this year. PLEASE Mother's Margarine people...for the love of G-d, MAKE THE DAMN MARGARINE NEXT YEAR.
5-6 pm: Festive Meal. 4 year old can't eat...too much socializing to do.
6 pm: We clear table. 4 year old is hungry.
6:15 pm: I go to nurse baby in the other room.
6:17 pm: Apparently that would be the room where the afikomen is so mad children start banging on the door.
6:23 pm: Baby says in her almost 8 month old language "Fuck this. Milk is so not worth it. Hand me a cookie and let's call it a night"
6:24 pm: Afikomen found. My daughter's 86 year old uncle asks her what she wants for an afikomen present. My daughter answers without hesitation, "A disco ball." No one had one handy.
6:27 pm: We sing happy birthday to my daughter who would turn 4 the next day. Everyone asks how old she is. She insists that she is 3 and she is right. It is not until we ask how old she will be the next day that she will say 4.
6:30 pm: Dessert and finish the seder service.
7 pm: In the car!
7:10-7:17 pm: Baby and Mommy sleep.
7:17 pm: 3- not yet 4- year old decides enough of that and begins to wail. I want a bath. I want a book. I want my dog. Over and over and over again. If you were on the Tappan Zee Bridge Sunday night, I'm sorry. That loud noise was us. Same goes for Westchester and much of Connecticut.
9 pm: We get home with everyone still wide awake.
9:02 pm: Older daughter asleep.
10ish pm: Baby asleep.
And this is why the holiday won't happen again for a year.